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Name: Lovely Petrichor
Country: Canada
State: Ontario
Metro: Toronto
Birthday: 4/13/1986
Gender: Female
Interests: desiGn, culture, philosophy, science, where grass kiss the sky, drugs, fashion, poetry, *interesting* ppl, art, quirky things =P
Occupation: Medical Student
Message: message me
Website: visit my website
Member Since:
5/31/2003
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| I just finished watching another marathon of korean drama - The First Coffee Shop Prince - which means I'm procrastinating for something big again ..... and it's CARMS, the residency application which is due in one week and i was ahead of schedule but now am behind... and the pressure is getting to me so I waste more time to relieve the pressure.
Sometimes I'm really dysfunctional . . . but korean drama does magic and I've had my fix.
This drama has slightly more realism in certain ways - it admits to the existence of "having feelings / crush" instead of the all or nothing depiction of "love".
It also showed me something important about real life relationships: it's the partner's role to be there for each other when the rest of the world seems to be at odds - to cheerlead when they don't succeed . . .
They are giving . . . supportive therapy aka administering mental health psychotherapy for the benefit of the partner's mental health! | | |
| Once upon a time there was the melancholic me, the uber-excitable me and there was this blog.
Now neither truly exists because I became human became normal became calm and mundane
And it's been a while since I've sat solitary in my room and heard once more the hollow whispers of the wind and felt that momentum of peace and bittersweet sadness diffuse through my core
And I'm reminded of me, a different me, the me I know trusted and true
There are so many mes and sometimes I get confused.
Life goes by so fast that I forget to reflect to digest to inhale
The future . . . I was excited but now am intimidated by its uncertainty
CARMs. the final exam. Residency. Fellowship. Job finding. . .
Can I do all this? sometimes I worry if I can ever study properly again
If I'll get through this and that and everything
akathisia . . . I feel that studying induces akathisia and the cure is staring blankly into space
I'm derailing I'm thought blocking I'm generally worried . . . not really but sort of
but I'll get through what's ahead because I can because I'm me because I have done it in the past one step at a time because they died with smiles calling my name
because I am fulfilling dreams | | |
| I really need skills to deal with shitty residents who don't teach and make you feel 1 inch tall when you try to help them out . . . because I just met one today who I just feel like slapping. | | |
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Do you believe that some people are natural flirts or is it that overtime they have taken notice of their physical qualities and are using it to their advantage. The key is intention. Is it a subconscious vs. conscious maneuver?
There's a resident on my internal medicine team who have these dreamy blue eyes, the kind that calls out to you with its intensity of gaze and finishes off with a smooth smile. He's the stereotyped Mr. Popular and definitely creates a presence around him; he carries himself with unassuming dignity and a gliding sense of clever humor. The kind that can cork an awkward moment or slide you out of trouble. Overall his presence reminds me of another who I met years prior - I am quite confident that he's acutely aware of his good looks, smooth voice and charming demeanor - and also acutely aware of what that combination can accomplish for him: it is subtle manipulation at its best!
Example:
"Oh Jane can you do me a favor? Can you ____________?" *smile*
later, to another resident: "Isn't Jane the nicest person? ....." *smile*
This topic came to mind because of two things:
1. My own reaction. I'm the type of person who's shy around guys I don't know. I've never known the art of flirting and have yet to consciously attempt it. So instead of light-hearted banter, I find myself embarrassed by the intensity of his gaze and my inadvertent avoidance response (e.g. divert my eyes quickly). In general, I tend to create an atmosphere of tension when there is no reason for any! I need to act . . . normal! (Note: I have no crush/feelings for said person. It's the general type of reaction I have that bothers me.)
2. I want to learn from him - I envy those who can write off anything with their gliding humor. That part of my brain seems to have atrophied in-uteral =( At work I don't shmooze and instead focus on the barebones of what needs to be done. To me outside of works is the time for fun and games and overflowing conversations. But now more and more I'm learning that my disposition puts me at loss - at the workplace it's all about getting people to like you - and part of that is getting to know them and spending time with them DURING work.
Fat exists for a reason - it lubricates and smooths out the bumps and lumps of bone-on-bone action. It's time to transform all that physical fat into mental and behavioral fat and let it work it's magic on Janey =). | | |
| I'm a kitten with a ball of yarn and trouble usually naturally follows. And before I know it, with effortless grace I would once again resubmit to that cycle of disentanglement. Physically. Emotionally. Socially. Academically.
Sometimes it all snowballs out of control. Sometimes I feel it's too much. Sometimes I worry that it's killing me slowly instead of making me stronger.
The miraculous balance of life have produced a being that is simultaneously growing and dying.
I better be growing faster than I am dying; for now, anyways.
With time these moments are forgotten, crumpled away in an archive of zeros and ones; what's left are sunny photos of smiling faces, of times being surrounded by joy, love and laughter - not these times, when one is alone, suffering and powerless while the world is spinning away and out of control, while everyone else seems to be keeping their balance.
But for now it's real. And I'm real-listic and calm and I will do this once more, because I have, because I can, because life pushes on forward full-throttle and there is no other way. | | |
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